If a Bill Were a Beer

by Undee on Apr 20, 2009 5:04 PM EDT

As an aside to the exciting draft speculation and tabulation, would you like to play an analogy game? (You must be 21 or older to continue.) I have paired some of my favorite Bills with a beer which he has something in common. Since a game like this relies on personal taste, I won't take it personally if you disagree.

I must give credit to Blazers Edge for this idea.

Fred Jackson Samuel Adams Boston Lager
Nationaly recognised name, and many people agree the quality is often worth the price.

Marshawn Lynch   Colt 45
    Hits you "stupid fast" and hard.

Chris Kelsay   Michelobe Ultra
    "But I thought I ordered a beer!"

Terrence McGee   Labatt Blue
    Good old standby, and once and a while, you don't want anything more.

Terrel Owens   Chimay Trappist
    An expensive, refined drink, which causes euphoric reactions in some. It also is very likely to cause a major headache.

Trent Edwards Your latest homebrew
    Ever since that great batch back in the eighties, you have been trying to perfect the recipe. There have been some bad ones lately, but this last one is almost fully fermented, and you feel subtle excitement about the results. You do like the early samples you have been opening.

Arron Schobel   2003 Samuel Smiths Oatmeal Stout
    Waaayyy back behind the old pickle jars, you find a bottle of beer you bought a long time ago. Good bottle, but you have to wonder how well Oatmeal Stout ages...

James Hardy 24oz Can Coors Banquet Beer
    What could be better than a 'Banquet Beer?' Just the name makes you forget the questionable flavor.

Leodis McKelvin   MGD Bottle
    #11 pick in last years Genuine Draft! Ha!      ...just a play on words. Kinda weak, I know.

Paul Pozluszny   Budweiser American Ale
    Both the true beer drinkers and fathful Bud drinkers couldn't wrap thier minds around this at first, but the beer is better than most in its market.

Marcus Stroud   Guinness Stout
    Thuper thick. Super sick, as in, so good you bought a keg for your kegerator. (That's a lot of $$)

Donte Whitner   Heineken
    Lot's of hype, little taste. Sure it's better than 60% of what's offered at any given bar, but more and more I notice the taste is disappointing.

Ashton Youboty   Shiner Bock
    I rarley see this beer on the shelves, but it has always been smooth and delicious.

Mike Jefferson   Bozone Select Amber Ale
    You probably don't know either of these names, and probably won't. Jefferson is a WR that went to my school in Bozeman. Select Amber is very good, by the way.

An x-Bill LT   Harvest Moon Pigs Ass Porter
    Pigs Ass is one of the the best porters avalible in America.

Just another great fan opinion shared on the pages of BuffaloRumblings.com.

Tweet Comment 37 comments | 4 recs |

Do you like this story?

Comments

Reggie Corner- Koch’s Golden Anniversary Beer
No one would have ever heard of them if they didn’t have overly-appropriate names for their trades.

Kawika Mitchell- Kona Dry Side Stout
The first is a stout hawaiian american (i think he’s hawaiian?) and the second is a hawaiian american stout.

Demetrius Bell- Stone Arrogant Bastard
They are both bastards. Sorry, maybe that was crossing the line…

by pecorasc on Apr 20, 2009 5:38 PM EDT reply actions

I like Arrogant Bastard Ale...

but maybe it’s crossing the line…. maybe

Playing Realistic Optimist at Buffalo Rumblings since 2008. Fear can hold you prisoner. Hope can set you free.

by MattRichWarren on Apr 21, 2009 9:56 PM EDT up reply actions

Wait, that’s an actual beer? Dude I have to get a hold of that stuff.

by CanadianBillsFan on Apr 22, 2009 12:14 AM EDT up reply actions

yup...

http://www.arrogantbastard.com/
It is a very complex beer. It is not for people who like Genny light or Natty ice. :-) That’s why it’s completely arrogant.

Playing Realistic Optimist at Buffalo Rumblings since 2008. Fear can hold you prisoner. Hope can set you free.

by MattRichWarren on Apr 22, 2009 7:32 AM EDT up reply actions

lol, not bad

by CanadianBillsFan on Apr 22, 2009 8:04 AM EDT up reply actions

Ryan Neil- Arbor Brewing Super Snapper VSB
No explanation needed, but I guess its debatable.

by pecorasc on Apr 20, 2009 5:46 PM EDT reply actions

Roscoe Parrish – Harvest Moon (from Blue Moon): Good beer that comes around once a year

Terrence McGee – Yuengling: A somewhat cheap, quality and underappreciated beer

Chris Kelsay – Corona: Overpriced and crappy, needs plenty of help (a lime) in order to be effective

~K
"As the governor of Louisiana once said, the only way Chris Kelsay can lose his job is if he got caught in bed with a dead girl or a live boy."

by Kurupt on Apr 20, 2009 6:03 PM EDT reply actions

All three of these are great descriptions of those beers and fit very well with those players.

The time has come for someone to put his foot down. And that foot is me.

by sireric on Apr 21, 2009 12:33 AM EDT up reply actions

Chris Kelsay – Corona: An imitation of a true Mexican Beer.

"It's not delivery, it's DiGiorgio!"

by TheAfghanTwilight on Apr 21, 2009 7:13 AM EDT up reply actions

Actually i was thinking of Kelsay as Genesse Cream Ale.......

Goes down smooth, but leaves you with the Runs the next day…….. and some terrible GAS!!!

Are we drafting Dino's now?
"6'6" monster receiver with a Terradactyl wingspan "....... Keysh67

by Billsfanstuckinthesouth on Apr 21, 2009 8:06 AM EDT up reply actions

Lee Evans – Anchor Steam: Pricey but usually worth it. Most people know about it, but hardly ever see it.

Character and Intelligence

by Undee on Apr 20, 2009 6:22 PM EDT reply actions

Great beer.

by thefourwinds on Apr 20, 2009 11:04 PM EDT up reply actions

Doug Flutie (yeah I know it’s going a while back) – Alexander Keith’s India Pale Ale

A tresure in Canada, but goes mostly unknown and ignored in the US.

by CanadianBillsFan on Apr 20, 2009 7:13 PM EDT reply actions

Upper Canada: Rebellion Lager is one of Canada’s hidden gems.

"It's not delivery, it's DiGiorgio!"

by TheAfghanTwilight on Apr 21, 2009 5:36 PM EDT up reply actions

LOL, you know thats named after the war of 1812 right? Only time in history where Canada will beat the US in military might.

by CanadianBillsFan on Apr 22, 2009 12:15 AM EDT up reply actions

Robert Royal – Natural Ice (Natty Ice).. Really puts a bad taste in your mouth and you can’t wait until its gone

by tripl21 on Apr 20, 2009 7:52 PM EDT reply actions

Oh lord I drank a ton of that my first year in college, I graduated to Rolling Rock real quick

If the Bills were a drug, I could only hope they were like speed so I could lose some weight as well.

by WABillsfan on Apr 21, 2009 12:15 AM EDT up reply actions

Rolling Rock, hahahaha

Yea, i remember that stuff…….. when the Bar ran out of Michelobe, they offered us Rolling Rock at half price. What a hang over the next day. So if i had to put Rolling Rock to a person, it would be Jason Peters………. thinks it’s a high priced beer and still leaves you with a massive hang over!!!!

Are we drafting Dino's now?
"6'6" monster receiver with a Terradactyl wingspan "....... Keysh67

by Billsfanstuckinthesouth on Apr 21, 2009 8:03 AM EDT up reply actions

You’ve never had the Genny Screamers then.

"It's not delivery, it's DiGiorgio!"

by TheAfghanTwilight on Apr 21, 2009 5:36 PM EDT up reply actions

Langston Walker- Pabst Blue Ribbon… good choice considering its the same price as natty ice

by mustafa on Apr 20, 2009 7:58 PM EDT reply actions

Langston Walker-PBR

Only feels right on one end.

by pecorasc on Apr 20, 2009 8:41 PM EDT reply actions

Duke Preston/Melvin Fowler – Miller Lite

The one your having now tastes like toilet water, everyone you’ve ever had has tasted like toilet water, and everyone you ever will have will taste like toilet water.

Luckily you don’t plan on having one again any time soon as you’ve just purchased a Bud Light (Hangartner) so you know what you’re getting and its never done you wrong.

But even better, you’re eyeing a Molson Golden (Alex Mack!) as your next round! (get it? get it?)

Guards Brad Butler and Brandon Rodd are decent. - Pete Prisco
Brandon Rodd!! Our best player.

by poz on Apr 20, 2009 9:23 PM EDT reply actions

Poz, I love your taste in beers, thats great man lol

by CanadianBillsFan on Apr 20, 2009 10:03 PM EDT up reply actions

haha!

Molson Golden has a special place in my fridge at all times.

Guards Brad Butler and Brandon Rodd are decent. - Pete Prisco
Brandon Rodd!! Our best player.

by poz on Apr 20, 2009 11:46 PM EDT up reply actions

It’s a great beer. I love just about everything Molson.

by CanadianBillsFan on Apr 21, 2009 1:07 AM EDT up reply actions

Dude....

Miller Light is just Bud Light with a twist of urine in it.

"I don't agree with a damn thing you say, but I would die for your right to say it."

by ForeignArrow on Apr 21, 2009 7:15 PM EDT up reply actions

haha awesome!!

Tommyknocker Butthead Bock: Marshawn Lynch. Great beer, great running back…. but a butthead.

Delerium Tremens: The entire Buffalo Bill team. Definition: A complication that may accompany alcohol withdrawal. The symptoms include body shaking (tremulousness), insomnia, agitation, confusion, hearing voices or seeing images that are not really there (hallucinations), seizures, rapid heart beat, profuse sweating, high blood pressure, and fever.
Bells Two Hearted Ale: ???

John I.

by jri111 on Apr 20, 2009 10:58 PM EDT reply actions

Bells Two Hearted Ale- John Wendling
Has some pretty nice hops but isnt all that great (actually its a pretty damn good beer, but I had to dumb it down a bit to fit).

by pecorasc on Apr 21, 2009 9:52 AM EDT up reply actions

HAHAHA...

I love the hops reference.

Playing Realistic Optimist at Buffalo Rumblings since 2008. Fear can hold you prisoner. Hope can set you free.

by MattRichWarren on Apr 21, 2009 9:58 PM EDT up reply actions

Hmmm, who would Stroh's be?

I would have to go with Kevin Williams, you don’t really notice it at first taste, but by the next morning you really remember it hitting you.

If the Bills were a drug, I could only hope they were like speed so I could lose some weight as well.

by WABillsfan on Apr 21, 2009 12:16 AM EDT reply actions

Kevin Williams?

The crappy little punt returner from the late 90’s that we had? The Vikings’ Kevin Williams? Someone else? Kyle Williams?

~K
"As the governor of Louisiana once said, the only way Chris Kelsay can lose his job is if he got caught in bed with a dead girl or a live boy."

by Kurupt on Apr 21, 2009 12:25 AM EDT up reply actions

Kevin, Kyle, they all start with K's and the only K's I care about are strikeouts and Kurupt

If the Bills were a drug, I could only hope they were like speed so I could lose some weight as well.

by WABillsfan on Apr 21, 2009 2:50 PM EDT up reply actions

Well thank you very much

~K
"As the governor of Louisiana once said, the only way Chris Kelsay can lose his job is if he got caught in bed with a dead girl or a live boy."

by Kurupt on Apr 21, 2009 3:01 PM EDT up reply actions

Your welcome fine sir

If the Bills were a drug, I could only hope they were like speed so I could lose some weight as well.

by WABillsfan on Apr 21, 2009 8:16 PM EDT up reply actions

Thurman Thomas

Genesse Pounders………. that brown bottle doesn’t look to appatising, but leaves you staggering by the end of the day!

Are we drafting Dino's now?
"6'6" monster receiver with a Terradactyl wingspan "....... Keysh67

by Billsfanstuckinthesouth on Apr 21, 2009 8:12 AM EDT reply actions

Bruce Smith

Man, i was trying to think of a beer for his greatness, but, i could only come up with a Boilermaker………… the combination of beer and whiskey hits you so hard, you find yourself passed out in the wilderness, in your car the next morning. The hangover the next morning leaves you thinking that a tractor trailer just hit you.

Are we drafting Dino's now?
"6'6" monster receiver with a Terradactyl wingspan "....... Keysh67

by Billsfanstuckinthesouth on Apr 21, 2009 8:17 AM EDT reply actions

Andre Reed

Like any fine wine or champain, tastes good going down. The first time you drink a glass of it, Leaves you thnking , “how can this stuff make you drunk?”, so you have another, and another, and another till your laying in the bed that night with bed spins thinking, “I WILL NOT UNDERESTIMATE THAT STUFF AGAIN”.

Are we drafting Dino's now?
"6'6" monster receiver with a Terradactyl wingspan "....... Keysh67

by Billsfanstuckinthesouth on Apr 21, 2009 8:31 AM EDT reply actions