Retrospecticus: The Kelsay extension

About a month ago, my friend left a disturbing message on my phone. There was no “Hey man.” No light-hearted introduction to preface what he was about to frantically sputter:

“I just read the most ridiculous thing on Rumblings and I needed someone to talk to...”

The message wasn’t over, but what followed was an uncharacteristic and disquieting silence. Each time he tried to start his next sentence, he sounded like he was gasping for breath—his speech rendered silent with—what I thought was—seething, savage-like moral indignation. Then he began again, emitting a nonsensical medley of stutters, stammers, snorts and a maniacal chortle to boot before finally proclaiming—perhaps with eyes half-damp—“Kelsay! They signed Chris Kelsay to an extension!”

Kelsay?! To an extension? No effin’ way, I thought.

At first, I thought he might have been kidding with me. But no; he was a terrible liar, and his anger was so palpable it seemed as if it had seized control of his being, enough so that I took him for his word and googled for a local exorcist, just in case. Surely, though, he must have read Brian’s headline wrong.

I scurried home to check the news and read the headline. At first I didn’t see it. I stared at the screen, unable to read the words—perhaps the same the New World natives were reported to have been unable to see the Spanish galleons approaching the shore; for some say that our sight is rendered useless when we’re exposed to the impossible. 

Then I remembered that it was the Bills front office that had made this move, forcing me to acknowledge that this wasn’t some terrible dream, but the cold, hard reality of being a Bills fan.  

I’ve learned that, sometimes, things just don’t make sense. And sometimes the people in power—while we’d like to believe that those running the show know better than us—make really dumb mistakes. For example:

- In 1857, our Supreme Court—supposedly comprised of our countries brightest minds—said persons of African descent were to be considered slaves, not citizens.

- In 1867, Russia sold Alaska to the U.S. for 2.3 cents an acre.

- In 1920, the sale of alcohol was made illegal in our country.

But these decisions—if I may say—pale in comparison with the Kelsay extension. In fact, aside from Eve’s appetite for apples, and my unfortunately explosive decision to drink a pot of coffee before my mom’s Dyngus Day sauerkraut and sausage casserole, I can’t think of a worse decision.

Ok, I get it. He has good work ethic. He’s a leader. But he’s a backup at best. Of course it’s understandable to extend a backup’s salary for his intangibles if it will improve the performances of the starters, but, for goodness sake, pay him a backup’s salary!

I thought that after a month I might feel better about the signing; that my confidence would be renewed in CHIX once the wisdom behind the decision was made clear. But now I find myself in the same position, left staring at my television screen in disbelief. 

Just another great fan opinion shared on the pages of

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