Alternate title to this post: "Bow To The Superiority Of Ron Swanson's Mustache."
The Buffalo Rumblings Premiere Fantasy Football League, hosted in 2010 on the award-winning CBSSports.com Fantasy Football Commissioner League, held its annual selection meeting this past Sunday night. The league consists of six members of Rumblings' editorial and moderator staff - one of which is a two-time league champion - and four more league champions from Rumblings leagues in 2009, including last year's league champion, TheAfghanTwilight.
Previous years no longer matter, save the fact that I, myself, am a seven-time fantasy football champion - though, admittedly, I haven't won squat in Rumblings leagues. That is about to change. Find out why after the jump.
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CBSSports.com is an SB Nation partner and paying sponsor of the SB Nation football communities. This post is one of a series of sponsor endorsed posts related to the CBSSports.com Fantasy Football Commissioner League.
Rather than simply say who picked which players where, I thought I'd hand out a few awards for Sunday night's draft efforts. These awards will accurately convey the lay of the BRPL this year, and will illustrate why no team has any hope whatsoever of Slaying the 'Stache.
THE ASTUTE AUTO-PICKER AWARD GOES TO... untouchaBILL, code name 'untouchaBILL'
Points for team name creativity! Undoubtedly owing to his Rumblings-affiliated league championship a year ago, untouchaBILL decided to skip Sunday night's proceedings, allowing CBS' auto-drafter to do the dirty work for him. Apparently, untouchaBIILL instructed the auto-drafter to downplay potential risk factors in each prospects, because gamble the auto-drafter did. Fourth-round pick Sidney Rice should be dominant after he recovers from hip surgery that'll keep him out half the season. Kicker in the sixth round? Hell yes, Garrett Hartley. Suspensions? Ben Roethlisberger's uber-productive nature laughs in the face of suspensions. And clearly, Ben Tate will be a workhorse from his cozy spot on IR.
THE OTHER ASTUTE AUTO-PICKER AWARD GOES TO... thejimbo, code name 'thejimbo'
Points for team name creativity! Another blog-affiliated 2009 league champion, thejimbo decided that he, too, had more faith in CBS' auto-drafter than his own managerial skills - though he did take a slightly different approach, tapping into the more conservative nature of his auto-drafter. Risks were taken, oh yes; taking kickers in both the ninth and eleventh rounds is a rarity, and rolling the dice on suspended holdout Vincent Jackson carries risk, as well. But untouchaBILL he is not. Hence his getting the "other" award.
THE BRETT FAVRE GUY AWARD GOES TO... MattRichWarren, code name 'Here Comes Treble'
Somebody was going to win this award, and in 2010, it goes to
Matt Warren Andy Bernard. But Andy took it a step further than simply making Favre his starting quarterback with the first pick of the fourth (how appropriate!) round; he handcuffed the unfortunately oft-injured Percy Harvin to his star quarterback, then dared anyone to defy his logic. Andy, Brett. Brett, Andy.
THE 'DA BEARSSSS' GUY AWARD GOES TO... Jeff Winters, code name 'Premature Pitinos'
If you're going to pick four players from one team, wouldn't it make more sense to pick, you know, a good team? The Pitinos' season now rides solely on the tortured genius of Mike Martz, who must turn Matt Forte, Johnny Knox, Devin Hester and Greg Olsen into bona fide fantasy gold for Jeff to make a championship run. Seriously? Da Bears? (Ditka... Ditka... Sausage... ... Bears...)
THE "I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M ABOUT TO DO THIS" GUY AWARD GOES TO... keysh67, code name 'keysh67'
Points for team name creativity! Every year, no matter which fantasy draft you attend or which people you're playing with, there will invariably be one person who pronounces "I can't believe I'm about to do this" before making a selection. 93.7% of the time, the wildly imaginative scenarios that play out in league members' minds fall radically short of what actually is about to transpire. So when keysh67 proclaimed "I can't believe what I am thinking of doing," chants of "Trent!", "Lee Evans!", "Porn!" and "Trent Porn!" were quickly shot down when keysh selected... Jeremy Maclin. Talk about a let down.
THE LEE EVANS GUY AWARD GOES TO... poz, code name 'Pozitively Dominant'
Just like with Favre, but specific only to fantasy leagues full of Bills fans, an award every year must be handed out to the player that selects Lee Evans. Lee Evans guy is perpetually infatuated with his raw talent, insisting annually that "this is the year he breaks out." Poz, however, was smart about his Evans infatuation, waiting until Round 10 to take the plunge. Points for patience. But we hate to break it to you, poz - this is NOT the year Evans becomes fantasy elite. To his credit, poz also takes home the "a potty break led to an auto-picked kicker in the ninth round" award; he was clearly out for the pre-season hardware this year.
THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS GUY AWARD GOES TO... sireric, code name 'sireric'
Points for team name creativity! You annually have a league mate who can't make up his mind between two players, so he just takes both of them in order to platoon them. Eric was that guy this year, and in very emphatic fashion. Are the Redskins the new Eagles, and the Eagles the new Redskins? Or are the Eagles still the Eagles, and the Redskins still the Redskins? Eric no longer has to worry about that little problem, as with back-to-back picks, he took both Donovan McNabb and Kevin Kolb. Viva la indecision!
THE HOMER AWARD GOES TO... TheAfghanTwilight, code name 'TheAfghanTwilight'
Points for team name creativity! Ah yes, the Homer Award. Bestowed upon he who can't not select Buffalo Bills players. Afghan's fantasy team is now home to both C.J. Spiller and Fred Jackson, and thus, last year's BRPL league champion takes this award with ease. I'm not wholly certain that his draft strategy will lead to a repeat.
THE ADEPT-WHILE-CLINICALLY-DEAD DRAFTER AWARD GOES TO... Kurupt, code name 'The Human Centipede'
Fresh off of his bachelor party (congratulations!), K-man came into the draft room with four areas of his brain functioning: that which controls involuntary function (like breathing and heartbeat), that which controls his fingers (to type and click), the brain's pain center (obviously), and that which controls the ability to moan gutturally on occasion. Yet Kurupt, a two-time BRPL league champion, still found a way to put together a competent roster. You've got to respect his manliness.
THE "SCREW THE MADDEN CURSE!" AWARD GOES TO... Brian Galliford, code name 'Ron Swanson's Mustache'
Madden Curse? Schmadden Schmurse! Larry Fitzgerald still caught 97 passes and 13 touchdowns last year, did he not?! I laughed in the face of the Schmadden Schmurse, and boldly selected Drew Brees with the fifth overall pick. He, along with incredible value picks Anquan Boldin (Rd 4), Jamaal Charles (Rd 5), Brent Celek (Rd 9), Reggie Bush (Rd 10) and Willis McGahee (Rd 14) will lead me to fantasy glory. Bank on it.
For those of you looking to choose sides in this year's BRPL festivities, here's the full list of draft results so that you may choose wisely. Prediction: a very large percentage of you will be growing playoff mustaches.
|1||1||sireric||RB Chris Johnson||Titans|
|2||untouchaBILL*||RB Ray Rice||Ravens|
|3||poz||RB Adrian Peterson||Vikings|
|4||TheAfghanTwilight||QB Peyton Manning||Colts|
|5||Brian Galliford||QB Drew Brees|
|6||Kurupt||RB Maurice Jones-Drew||Jaguars|
|7||thejimbo*||RB Michael Turner||Falcons|
|8||keysh67||QB Aaron Rodgers||Packers|
|9||Jeff Winters||RB Frank Gore||49ers|
|10||MattRichWarren||WR Andre Johnson||Texans|
|2||11||MattRichWarren||RB Cedric Benson||Bengals|
|12||Jeff Winters||WR Randy Moss||Patriots|
|13||keysh67||RB Steven Jackson||Rams|
|14||thejimbo*||WR Reggie Wayne||Colts|
|15||Kurupt||WR Miles Austin||Cowboys|
|16||Brian Galliford||RB DeAngelo Williams|
|17||TheAfghanTwilight||WR Larry Fitzgerald||Cardinals|
|18||poz||RB Rashard Mendenhall||Steelers|
|19||untouchaBILL*||QB Matt Schaub||Texans|
|20||sireric||WR DeSean Jackson||Eagles|
|3||21||sireric||RB Shonn Greene||Jets|
|22||untouchaBILL*||WR Roddy White||Falcons|
|23||poz||QB Tony Romo||Cowboys|
|24||TheAfghanTwilight||RB Ryan Mathews||Chargers|
|25||Brian Galliford||WR Calvin Johnson|
|26||Kurupt||RB Pierre Thomas||Saints|
|27||thejimbo*||WR Marques Colston||Saints|
|28||keysh67||WR Brandon Marshall||Dolphins|
|29||Jeff Winters||QB Tom Brady||Patriots|
|30||MattRichWarren||RB Ryan Grant||Packers|
|4||31||MattRichWarren||QB Brett Favre||Vikings|
|32||Jeff Winters||WR Greg Jennings||Packers|
|33||keysh67||RB Ronnie Brown||Dolphins|
|34||thejimbo*||QB Philip Rivers||Chargers|
|35||Kurupt||WR Steve Smith||Giants|
|36||Brian Galliford||WR Anquan Boldin|
|37||TheAfghanTwilight||RB C.J. Spiller||Bills|
|38||poz||WR Michael Crabtree||49ers|
|39||untouchaBILL*||WR Sidney Rice||Vikings|
|40||sireric||QB Donovan McNabb||Redskins|
|5||41||sireric||QB Kevin Kolb||Eagles|
|42||untouchaBILL*||TE Antonio Gates||Chargers|
|43||poz||TE Jason Witten||Cowboys|
|44||TheAfghanTwilight||WR Wes Welker||Patriots|
|45||Brian Galliford||RB Jamaal Charles|
|46||Kurupt||RB Beanie Wells||Cardinals|
|47||thejimbo*||RB Joseph Addai||Colts|
|48||keysh67||RB Jahvid Best||Lions|
|49||Jeff Winters||RB Knowshon Moreno||Broncos|
|50||MattRichWarren||RB LeSean McCoy||Eagles|
|6||51||MattRichWarren||TE Dallas Clark||Colts|
|52||Jeff Winters||WR Steve Smith||Panthers|
|53||keysh67||TE Vernon Davis||49ers|
|54||thejimbo*||RB Jonathan Stewart||Panthers|
|55||Kurupt||TE Jermichael Finley||Packers|
|56||Brian Galliford||WR Mike Sims-Walker|
|57||TheAfghanTwilight||RB Justin Forsett||Seahawks|
|58||poz||WR Dwayne Bowe||Chiefs|
|59||untouchaBILL*||K Garrett Hartley||Saints|
|60||sireric||TE Tony Gonzalez||Falcons|
|7||61||sireric||WR Chad Ochocinco||Bengals|
|62||untouchaBILL*||WR Hines Ward||Steelers|
|63||poz||RB Arian Foster||Texans|
|64||TheAfghanTwilight||QB Joe Flacco||Ravens|
|65||Brian Galliford||WR Mike Wallace|
|66||Kurupt||QB Jay Cutler||Bears|
|68||keysh67||WR Jeremy Maclin||Eagles|
|69||Jeff Winters||RB Matt Forte||Bears|
|70||MattRichWarren||WR Percy Harvin||Vikings|
|8||71||MattRichWarren||WR T.J. Houshmandzadeh||Seahawks|
|72||Jeff Winters||RB Marion Barber III||Cowboys|
|73||keysh67||DEF New York (A)||Jets|
|74||thejimbo*||WR Hakeem Nicks||Giants|
|75||Kurupt||RB Michael Bush||Raiders|
|76||Brian Galliford||RB Ahmad Bradshaw|
|77||TheAfghanTwilight||WR Donald Driver||Packers|
|78||poz||WR Terrell Owens||Bengals|
|79||untouchaBILL*||RB Cadillac Williams||Buccaneers|
|80||sireric||RB Clinton Portis||Redskins|
|9||81||sireric||WR Pierre Garcon||Colts|
|82||untouchaBILL*||RB Brandon Jacobs||Giants|
|83||poz||K Ryan Longwell||Vikings|
|84||TheAfghanTwilight||TE Visanthe Shiancoe||Vikings|
|85||Brian Galliford||TE Brent Celek|
|86||Kurupt||WR Malcom Floyd||Chargers|
|87||thejimbo*||K Mason Crosby||Packers|
|88||keysh67||QB Carson Palmer||Bengals|
|89||Jeff Winters||WR Johnny Knox||Bears|
|90||MattRichWarren||RB Jerome Harrison||Browns|
|92||Jeff Winters||RB Felix Jones||Cowboys|
|93||keysh67||WR Dez Bryant||Cowboys|
|94||thejimbo*||TE Owen Daniels||Texans|
|95||Kurupt||WR Santana Moss||Redskins|
|96||Brian Galliford||RB Reggie Bush||Saints|
|97||TheAfghanTwilight||WR Kenny Britt||Titans|
|98||poz||WR Lee Evans||Bills|
|100||sireric||TE Kellen Winslow, Jr.||Buccaneers|
|11||101||sireric||RB Tim Hightower||Cardinals|
|102||untouchaBILL*||QB Eli Manning||Giants|
|103||poz||RB Ricky Williams||Dolphins|
|104||TheAfghanTwilight||TE Chris Cooley||Redskins|
|105||Brian Galliford||DEF Pittsburgh||Steelers|
|106||Kurupt||QB Matt Ryan||Falcons|
|107||thejimbo*||K Stephen Gostkowski||Patriots|
|108||keysh67||WR Mario Manningham||Giants|
|109||Jeff Winters||TE Zach Miller||Raiders|
|110||MattRichWarren||WR Steve Breaston||Cardinals|
|12||111||MattRichWarren||QB Matthew Stafford||Lions|
|112||Jeff Winters||RB Donald Brown||Colts|
|113||keysh67||K Rob Bironas||Titans|
|115||Kurupt||WR Santonio Holmes||Jets|
|116||Brian Galliford||QB Alex Smith|
|117||TheAfghanTwilight||RB Fred Jackson||Bills|
|118||poz||WR Derrick Mason||Ravens|
|119||untouchaBILL*||QB Ben Roethlisberger||Steelers|
|13||121||sireric||WR Robert Meachem||Saints|
|122||untouchaBILL*||K David Akers||Eagles|
|123||poz||QB Vince Young||Titans|
|124||TheAfghanTwilight||RB Laurence Maroney||Patriots|
|125||Brian Galliford||WR Roy Williams|
|126||Kurupt||RB Darren Sproles||Chargers|
|127||thejimbo*||WR Vincent Jackson||Chargers|
|128||keysh67||DEF Green Bay||Packers|
|129||Jeff Winters||WR Devin Hester||Bears|
|130||MattRichWarren||WR Chris Chambers||Chiefs|
|14||131||MattRichWarren||WR Austin Collie||Colts|
|132||Jeff Winters||QB Mark Sanchez||Jets|
|133||keysh67||RB Marshawn Lynch||Bills|
|134||thejimbo*||RB Thomas Jones||Chiefs|
|135||Kurupt||DEF San Francisco||49ers|
|136||Brian Galliford||RB Willis McGahee||Ravens|
|137||TheAfghanTwilight||WR Bernard Berrian||Vikings|
|138||poz||WR Jabar Gaffney||Broncos|
|139||untouchaBILL*||RB LaDainian Tomlinson||Jets|
|140||sireric||QB Kyle Orton||Broncos|
|15||141||sireric||RB Montario Hardesty||Browns|
|142||untouchaBILL*||DEF New Orleans||Saints|
|143||poz||TE Heath Miller||Steelers|
|144||TheAfghanTwilight||TE Tony Scheffler||Lions|
|145||Brian Galliford||TE Dustin Keller|
|146||Kurupt||QB Chad Henne||Dolphins|
|147||thejimbo*||RB Steve Slaton||Texans|
|148||keysh67||TE Jermaine Gresham||Bengals|
|149||Jeff Winters||TE Greg Olsen||Bears|
|150||MattRichWarren||RB Darren McFadden||Raiders|
|16||151||MattRichWarren||WR Nate Burleson||Lions|
|152||Jeff Winters||DEF Arizona||Cardinals|
|153||keysh67||WR Brian Robiskie||Browns|
|154||thejimbo*||RB Chester Taylor||Bears|
|155||Kurupt||WR Mike Williams||Buccaneers|
|156||Brian Galliford||WR Jacoby Jones|
|157||TheAfghanTwilight||WR Eddie Royal||Broncos|
|158||poz||RB Toby Gerhart||Vikings|
|159||untouchaBILL*||RB Ben Tate||Texans|
|160||sireric||WR Kevin Walter||Texans|
|17||161||sireric||WR Louis Murphy||Raiders|
|162||untouchaBILL*||RB Kevin Smith||Lions|
|164||TheAfghanTwilight||DEF New York (N)||Giants|
|166||Kurupt||K Nate Kaeding||Chargers|
|167||thejimbo*||WR Jerricho Cotchery||Jets|
|168||keysh67||WR Dexter McCluster||Chiefs|
|169||Jeff Winters||K David Buehler||Cowboys|
|170||MattRichWarren||K Lawrence Tynes||Giants|