"Pistol" Offense Doesn't Cut It

The "Pistol" offense doesn't cut it. No, folks, I'm not talking about the actual offensive scheme. We've all seen evidence that Chan Gailey knows how to call plays, and how to make his offense move the ball down the field, despite lack of depth and elite talent. No, my fellow Rumblers, our offensive scheme is sound and will make for an exciting 2011 Bills season.

What I am referring to, friends, is the name "Pistol." This term simply doesn't cut it. Not in the NFL. Not in Buffalo. Not in the home of the "K-Gun."

In 2011, the Buffalo Bills are going to be an offense that makes plays. I can't guarantee a successful season (though I predicted a 10-6 record in the Predictions fanpost found here: 2011 Record Prediction), but I am confident that our offense will provide an exciting show. We need a name for that show; a name that properly conveys the danger our opposition faces. We need a name that describes the power, risk, and agression the Buffalo Bills offense will demonstrate this season, while also capturing the essence of Buffalo. The "Pistol" is not that name.

The problem with the word "Pistol" is that it sounds wimpy. Yes, it is a firearm, and yes it can be lethal, but does it evoke an aura of carnage? When aimed at a vital organ, a pistol will cause damage to its victim. But more often (and we can all blame Hollywood for this) pistols are associated with flesh wounds. They cause annoyances, but if you want to eliminate your opposition rather than simply slow it down, you need to go to the big guns.

When I hear the word "Pistol" being used in the context of Chan Gailey's offense, my mind conjurs up an image of little ol' Chan from Georgia waving around a flimsy little revolver. You know, something you'd find in a southern belle's stocking on a river boat. That's not the image I want to associate with my Buffalo Bills offense. I think we can all agree that Ryan Fitzpatrick reminds us more of Jeremiah Johnson than a Southern Belle.

So, Bills fans, if "Pistol" is not a sufficient representation of the 2011 Buffalo Bills offense (and you know it's not), then what is? Thinking back to the days of Buffalo Bills dominance, and recalling the fear-evoking and awe-inspiring "K-Gun" offense, I wondered why the name fit us so well. My first answer was simple. It just sounds so AWESOME! Then I thought about it some more and focused on the associations "K-Gun" made in my mind. It reminded me of a Shotgun, which is powerful, dangerous, and causes a hell of a lot more than a flesh wound. A Shotgun demolishes everything in its path, which is what the Jim Kelly-led Buffalo Bills "K-Gun" offense did to opposing defenses as it marched toward the endzone on so many occasions. And, of course, the name "K-Gun" itself is a nod to Jim Kelly, our fearless leader. When I think of the "K-Gun," I think of General Kelly commanding his troops, making the calls on the field that he saw fit and guiding them to victory.

While (unfortunately) the Buffalo Bills may never again have a Quarterback the likes of Jim Kelly, there should be little doubt that Ryan Fitzpatrick can be a leader on the field. So, in order to name the 2011 Buffalo Bills offense, I thought about our leader, our city, our history, and, of course, about awesomeness. So, without further rambling, I present to you, Buffalo Rumblers, the name of the new 2011 Buffalo Bills offense: The "Lever Action."

Now, my fellow Rumblers, take a minute to ponder this. Imagine the Bills broadcast this season as Murph says, "Ryan Fitzpatrick, the Amish Rifle, lines up in the Lever Action," or "Ryan Fitzpatrick marches the Lever Action 92 yards down the field in the final two minutes for a come-from-behind victory over the Patriots!" It gives me chills just thinking about it.

So why does "Lever Action" fit the Buffalo Bills so well? The first reason is obvious. Our offense is led by The Amish Rifle, which breeds the opportunity for more rifle terminology. Perhaps the Amish Rifle is a Lever Action himself. But beyond that, it fits the city. Buffalo is a blue collar town. Many of us have taken the trusty Lever Action into the wild and brought home a deer to feed our families. Think of what that Lever Action in the hands of Gailey and Fitz could do to a Dolphin. As far as history is concerned, the Lever Action induces thoughts of Buffalo Bill Cody, for whom our team is named, sharpshooting with his Winchester Lever Action rifle. And finally, to understand why the Lever Action offense sounds so awesome (and it totally does), imagine the damage a rifle does. With it's rifled round, it's more accurate and precise than the scattered fire of a Shotgun. A rifle round creates a small entry wound in a deliberate location, but wreaks havoc as it travels through it's victim, finally leaving a gigantic exit wound. Wounds like that end your opponent. We can see that the quick, deep strikes that Fitz has been taking with Stevie need to be precise, deliberately called at the right time, and will create enormous wounds to our opposition.  In my opinion, the Lever Action sums it all up.

Thanks for reading, Rumblers. Here's to many successful seasons led by the Amish Rifle and the Buffalo Bills Lever Action offense!

Let me know what you think in the comments.

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