August 27, 2012: The Buffalo Bills have once again intensified the competition at backup QB. Just one day after trading for expert backup Tavaris Jackson, the Bills have brought in Seneca Wallace from the Cleveland Browns. In return for Wallace, the Bills have parted with an undisclosed draft pick. A source familiar with the negotiations has said that the pick is a 3rd rounder, with a conditional 2nd rounder based on 40 time, though that has yet to be confirmed.
When questioned about the highly surprising move, Buddy NIx responded "It's always been my belief that you can never have enough quarterbacks on your roster. My job is to provide as many good players at a position as I can in order to elevate the level of competition. Since there were no good quarterbacks available, I settled for Vince Young, Tavaris Jackson, and Seneca Wallace."
While the recent moves at the backup QB position have shaken up the locker room a bit, there is no indication that the madness is over. In fact, there are rumors circulating about a potential trade between Buffalo and Oakland that would make backup wunderkind Matt Leinart a Bill. When asked if Leinart could be a good fit for the Bills, Head Coach Chan Gailey said "A player like Leinart could certainly have a place with my football team. If Buddy brings him here, I will give him the opportunity to show us what he can do. You all know by now that I like to design offensive schemes around the talents of my players. Well, championships are won at the backup QB position. And with players like Thigpen, Young, Jackson, Wallace, and Leinart, I could piece together one talented QB."
Perhaps the most shocking (and frightening) revelation of this developing story is that Nix and Gailey alluded to a plan in which none of these QB projects would be cut. In fact, this reporter is starting to suspect that CHIX is attempting to create an all-QB offense. While the idea is certainly innovative, I fear for the safety of the Buffalo Bills franchise. It's becoming clear that Nix and Gailey are dangerously insane individuals, and something must be done. We will continue to cover this disturbing story throughout the week. Good luck, Bills fans. You're going to need it.
Just kidding. But you believed it for a second, didn't you?