NOTE: This "translation" is based off Abayarde's most recent opus, available here in full.
Alert and Alarum! Rouse thyselves to the sticking place, fellow travelers in this mighty vehicle of Bills partisans!
Our snarling pack of hellhounds are rabid and roused to deadly intent, and now look upon the Patriots hapless souls with hungry eyes. Lo, even the walking dead shall remain in their graves this Sunday for fear of our dread troop.
Our opponents are wont to cheat and connive, and now their vicious ways are paired with desperate circumstances. But they will find neither peace nor victory in Buffalo. Our victory is inevitable. It is assured by talent, due by character, and will be secured by righteous action.
Mr. Gisele Brady, that most famous of submissive husbands, faces an afternoon of torment from four of the most fearsome beasts ever to stride upon the Earth. First there is Kyle Williams, who will toss and thrash about all those in his way, wracking their ruin as the Kraken does to ships upon the sea. Then the great colossus, Marcell Dareus, will work his rage upon your lineman with brutal power. Amidst these great beasts, Mark Anderson shall dance with the nimbleness of a computer generated character. And last, opening the gates of Hell to draw in the soul of Brady, is Hades himself: Mario Williams.
Woe unto you, Mr. Brady. Cerberus had but three heads, but the monster you face has four. The very gates of Hell shall open before you this Sunday, and thou shalt never more walk upon this Earth. We have mercy for the meek, the honorable, and the deserving. We shall have no mercy on you.
All those who attend must lend their voices to this violence. Shout from your hearts, and shout loudly, for this will be the very moment that redeems our troubled group. The Patriots cannot hide from their inevitable doom.
I invoke beer commercials to support our cause. I shall watch this game at home whilst shouting obscenities with friends. Victory is ours; we need but take it.