We're back with our second installment of Around the AFC East, this time "discussing" the Miami Dolphins. This is going to be a fun installment - even more fun than last week's Ted Ginn bashing. Brace yourself for a blast from the past...
Buffalo Rumblings: What are your feelings on good old Mike Mularkey? Bills fans resent him a bit, obviously; how do Dolphins fans see him? Do you expect a lot out of your tight ends with him coaching them? Feel free to rant all you'd like - I know I'm going to.
Matty I, The Phinsider: "Shh...don't say Mike Mularkey too loud. Legend has it that if you say his name 3 times while looking in a mirror, he will appear and call the plays for your favorite team.
Alright, maybe not. But in all seriousness, saying his name too loud will certainly send a chill down your spine, if nothing else. It's funny, because he was a respected offensive mind until he got to Buffalo and he finally got his chance to be a NFL head coach. Needless to say, his career has been a disaster since and I feel bad for new tight end David Martin, who is likely to have his career ruined by Mularkey.
So let's talk about last year. For starters, the offense only scored 23 touchdowns, which is a lower total than 2004, when the team went 4-12. He went away from the running game too early too many times, especially considering the fact that the team's best offensive player is Ronnie Brown and he averaged 114 yards per game last year when he got at least 18 carries in a game. Instead, he chose to call passing plays a whopping 63% of the time. Talk about a lack of balance!!
And I can't end this conversation without talking about the single worst play call in Miami Dolphins history. It was week 4 of last year. The Dolphins started the season with 2 losses before beating Tennessee in week 3. Now they faced the Texans. They get behind 17-6 with under 10 minutes to play in the game. Then the Dolphins actually rally, getting an Olindo Mare field goal with 4:08 to play and then forcing the Texans to punt with 3:40 left. So Miami has it at the 20, needing to get a TD and 2-pt conversion. They put together some nice plays and Chambers catches a TD with 1:43 left. Now they need the 2 pt conversion. So what does Mularkey call? He calls a f*ckin' halfback pass!! A halfback pass with the game on the line!!! Ronnie Brown throws it but it's tipped and that does it. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go find a way to calm down. Thanks, Brian, for asking this question and raising my blood pressure to new heights."
Oh, it was my pleasure, Matty I. For two grueling years (yes, even the 9-7 season of 2004), we had to endure his strange play calls, hamburger-related team-building techniques and random quitting on the franchise. To see him inflict the same agony on our biggest rivals is nothing short of delightful. Have fun watching your mediocre tight ends this year!
We'll be back this afternoon with the third installment of the day, where we will attempt to pick apart the New England Patriots.