In an effort to bring something actually interesting to the Pro Bowl, the NFL has created a new competition called the Pro Bowl Skills Showdown. This competition will include dodgeball, relay races, and few other fun competitions that should prove to be more entertaining than the actual game. It will also probably be more entertaining than the last three Bills games of the year so I am going to pick who would make the cut on an all Bills Epic Pro Bowl Dodgeball team.
Why should I be the Bills Dodgeball Czar? I am glad you asked. As a former member of the Michigan State Club Dodgeball team (I attended many practices, was able to play in one game, and still have a jersey to prove it) I believe I am the most qualified Buffalo Rumblings staffer to select this team. So as Bills Dodgeball Czar I introduce to you, the 2017 Bills Epic Pro Bowl Dodgeball team.
Note: I have not been able to find any rules for Epic Pro Bowl Dodgeball so I am going to make up my own and decide that the game will feature 10 players.
Starting the list off with the Bills best 4th down QB. I don’t think his skill barking out the snap count will transfer, but his strong arm will definitely translate. Having a cannon for an arm is a huge asset on the dodgeball court. Even if he doesn’t have accuracy to hit an opposing player he can still provide cover fire for others and in the least intimidate the other team.
Purely for the intimidation. Do you want to face off against a guy who was recently compared to an Iroquois war leader? I wouldn’t. Also, his arm doesn’t look half bad.
That's the best $9,115 I've ever spent. F*ck yo helmet!!#StraightCashHomie pic.twitter.com/B88H1DdtCL— Richie Incognito (@68INCOGNITO) October 29, 2016
Okay, so Richie wasn’t just for intimidation. Blocking is actually a crucial skill to have in dodgeball. Back at MSU we had a player with an arm like Brett Favre. We used a couple blockers in front of him to shield incoming balls and allow him time to set his feet and unleash his faster-than-the-speed-of-light throws on people. Felton and Incognito are great mobile blockers. These two should be able to help EJ and others get their fastballs going.
Despite his recent struggles, Darby is still a world class athlete. He was track star in high school, and while that top end speed won’t translate much, it does speak to his athleticism. His vertical leap was in the top ten at the 2015 NFL combine. That’ll help him leap dodgeballs like Le’Veon Bell leaped him this past Sunday.
Just like a tight end on the football field, Clay would be a versatile asset on the dodgeball court. He could be a blocker for the stronger arms on the team, or he could be the one catching poor throws (he has some experience in that) and making players miss.
I’ll take any guy nicknamed 12-Gauge on my dodgeball team. Especially when science backs up that nickname and his incredibly strong arm.
A little fun in the Sports Science Lab https://t.co/hh9ZxoH5Ef— Cardale Jones (@Cardale7_) April 26, 2016
Mr. Hughe$$$$ is a force of nature when he wants to be. His moves can make offensive linemen look dumb. I think those moves could make a few dodgeballers who thought they had him out look dumb as well.
Bills fans have a lot to say about his toughness or how much it cost to get him, but there is pretty much no one that talks down about his hands. Those hands are why I’m drafting him to my Epic Pro Bowl Dodgeball team. If he can snag a football like below, I think he’ll be alright on the dodgeball court.
I know, his accuracy is limited, he runs into sacks, and he isn’t our long-term solution. I don’t care about that for this dodgeball competition. The guy is extremely elusive, has a strong arm, and very competitive. Give me all that on my dodgeball team and I’ll be happy.
LeSean McCoy is underrated. I wrote about it in fantasy terms before the season and Sean Murphy even one upped me. Turns out we were both right. This guy is good, scary good. He makes people miss like only some of the best running backs of all time could. He dodges multiple human beings on any given play. Imagine what he could do against dodgeballs. Oh, and he can pass!
Or maybe he can’t?
Breaking news: LeSean McCoy will stick to running. pic.twitter.com/9GHxqu05G2— Buffalo Bills (@buffalobills) December 1, 2016
Either way, I’ll take him, his agility, elusiveness, and competitiveness all day in dodgeball.
So, here’s your final ten-man all Bills dodgeball roster. What do you think? Who would you replace?
- LeSean McCoy
- Tyrod Taylor
- Sammy Watkins
- Jerry Hughes
- Cardale Jones
- Charles Clay
- Ronald Darby
- Jerome Felton
- Richie Incognito
- EJ Manuel