ONE BILLS DRIVE – The Buffalo Bills announced a change to their 2016 slogan Wednesday, from "All in" to "All IR."
According to team President and CEO Russ Brandon, the strategic shift in messaging was made in light of recent personnel-related events. "Where the original slogan was more hopeful and inspirational, the new slogan brings a refreshing sense of realism," Brandon said. "We still want to dream big, but the message now is to dream big within reason."
Brandon said the team considered several other options, including "Bench runs deep," "Next year up," "All out," and "Welp," but ultimately, "All IR" worked the hardest to reset expectations.
"In the same sense that ONEBuffalo sparks our collective sense of camaraderie, "All IR" brings us together through commiseration, gently reminding us where most of our best players are week-to-week," Brandon said.
The organizational shift toward cautiousness appears to have resonated among players. Rookie Adolphus Washington was seen tip-toeing through the Bills’ practice facility wrapped in bubble wrap, until finally settling into a newly ordered personal hyperbaric oxygen chamber next to his locker.
"Hell yeah I buy in. First Shaq, now Reggie. I didn’t sign up for this Final Destination s***, man," Washington told media through the chamber’s air holes. When asked why he ordered the new equipment, the rookie responded only by saying, "Platelets, man. Platelets."
The Bills open their pre-season schedule against the Indianapolis Colts at 7 p.m. Saturday night.
Buffalo Bills Change 2016 Team Slogan From “All In” To “All IR”
This post is clearly satire, so please don't believe it. We just figured now was a good time for some stress-relieving humor.
By Tom Colling