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Bills introduce coin flip policy for all executive decisions

This article is satire. Let's see how long it takes for everyone to realize it.

ORCHARD PARK - In an effort to parlay the Bills’ recent historic coin-flip success into the front office, Bills GM Doug Whaley announced a new organizational policy Friday stating that future executive decisions will be based off of an official team coin flip.

"We won 14 out of 16 coin flips. It doesn’t take a genius to recognize that that puts our odds of success above the standard 50/50 using this method," Whaley said.

According to Whaley, the coin flip will be the team’s official decision-making apparatus in all matters including but not limited to: draft picks, free agent decisions, roster cut-downs, contract negotiations and staff lunch orders.

While exact details were not available to the media, Whaley did say that formalizing the coin flip process will be a collective front office effort.

"We’re still ironing out the details. Is it one and done or best two out of three? Is interference allowed?  We’re going to put our heads together, bust our tails and get those questions answered. But one way or the other, we’re going to land on a solution that will leave no one questioning this organization’s vision."

Whaley also confirmed that a coin-flip chain-of-command has been put in place.

"These are football matters, so we’re going to have the football person in the room making these calls. Kim flips. I call. That’s it."

Whaley also made clear that Bills Team President Russ Brandon will not have input into his flip-calling decisions, with his only involvement being to counsel team owner Terry Pegula in final coin-flip approvals.

The policy change will take effect immediately.