Sean McDermott worried offense isn’t a poor enough fit for Tyrod Taylor

Eric Hartline-USA TODAY Sports

ORCHARD PARK - In a brief press conference Friday evening, Buffalo Bills head coach Sean McDermott expressed concern that the offense isn’t a poor enough fit for quarterback Tyrod Taylor.

"Right now, we’re just not quite there." McDermott said. "At this point, I could still see him having a mediocre season if the chips fall into place just right. We’ve got some work to do."

Over the past few months, the Bills brass has made clear and direct strides towards tailoring the offense perfectly towards the QB’s weaknesses. Most recently, the Bills took the prudent step of removing Taylor’s one deep option and best receiver, Sammy Watkins. Taylor, of course, specializes in throwing the deep ball.

"I mean, look, what does he struggle with most? Anticipatory passes, using the middle of the field, throwing guys open… we’d figured a west coast offense would directly play to those weaknesses," offensive coordinator Rick Dennision said earlier in the week.

But, according to McDermott, more can and must be done.

"I mean, what is Tyrod—6’1", 6’2"?" the coach asked. "He’ll have trouble throwing quick passes over the o-line, but that line of sight could definitely be worse."

McDermott is reportedly discussing chopping Tyrod’s legs off below the knee. The controversial procedure would make him perfectly too short for the offense, and help hamper his unfortunate running ability as well. With these steps, the team hopes to counter their potentially improved defense with a drastically weakened offense, leading to the 7-9 season that fans have been clamoring for. McDermott concluded the press conference with some positive things to say about backup quarterback Nate Peterman.

"Nate looks great, really great." McDermott said. "You know, with enough exposure…and I don’t mean to be hyperbolic, but I do really mean this… with enough exposure, I think he could show enough flashes that we won’t draft a QB this year, and we’ll miss out on the top QB prospects, and then it’ll turn out that he’s Trent Edwards 2.0. That’s the hope."

With this strategy, the Bills expect to make the playoffs in 2042, when every former player is CTE-riddled and the rules are so distorted that no one gives a flying f*** about the NFL anyway.

Editor's note: This was promoted from our fanpost section. It was slightly edited for readability. It is also satire, so, keep that in mind. - MRW

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