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Buffalo Bills April Fools’ headlines that will totally never happen: 2020 edition

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Impossible.

It’s April Fools’ Day, so we here at Buffalo Rumblings came up with a bunch of zany headlines about the Buffalo Bills. Some are wild, some are wacky but all of them have or had absolutely, one-hundred percent zero chance of happening.

  • “With playoff position set, Bills rest starters in Week 17”
  • “Bills clinch playoff spot with prime-time win over Pittsburgh Steelers in Week 15”
  • Josh Allen completes 79% of his passes en route to Bills blowout victory over Dallas Cowboys on Thanksgiving” or “The Cowboys just got their asses kicked”
  • “Bills ruin opposing QBs: Sam Darnold (mono), Eli Manning (benched), Andy Dalton (benched), Marcus Mariota (benched) all lose jobs after playing Buffalo”
  • “Bills fans worry offensive coordinator will get hired elsewhere, but coaching staff stays completely intact for third straight year”
  • “Bills lose fewest games to injury in NFL”
  • “Bills lead league in opponent missed field goals costing Kaare Vedvick, Cairo Santos their jobs”
  • “Red-hot third-string QB Duck Hodges cooled off by Bills’ top passing defense”
  • “Bills throw in 63% of offensive plays in driving wind, rain against Eagles
  • “Buffalo Bills get flexed to Sunday Night Football”
  • “Buffalo Bills trade for Stefon Diggs
  • “Bills add cornerback E.J. Gaines for a third time”
  • “Buffalo adds 22nd former Carolina Panthers player in four offseasons”

Here are just the headlines from the Wild Card playoff game against the Houston Texans:

  • John Brown has more touchdown passes in 2019 playoffs than Tom Brady
  • “Fullback tracks deep ball from Josh Allen better than receivers”
  • “Kick returner ‘gave himself up’ with no signal, kneeldown”
  • Cody Ford called for illegal block in overtime, knocking Bills out of field goal range”